With or without you
by Stella296
Summary: Set after the graduation party in 2.25. What happens when Blair leaves the Oak Bar and goes home? Not fluffy but dark, ED is topic too
1. Chapter 1

A/N: this is set after 2.25 after the Graduation party. It portraits what happens when Blair arrives home. In my version Chuck does NOT take the direct way to the airport but makes a stop at the Waldorf's first.

Beta'ed by Shelby.

* * *

It was after midnight when Blair got in her room and let herself fall on her comfortable bed. She didn't care to turn on a light. It was dark and silent, which was exactly how she felt and what she needed right now. It had been a rough day, perhaps, the roughest of her life.

Serena and she had been in a flurry of flashbulbs which was fun.

She had graduated high school, which had been fun, until the GG blasts.

She tried to confess her break-up with Nate to Chuck. She'd failed.

As part of the NJBC she'd tried to find out who GG was. It failed.

She confessed her love to Chuck again. But Chuck didn't do the same – Again.

And now Chuck was done with her for good because she slept with Jack.

She needed to take back some control of her life. She needed a way to handle the whole story. So she decided to do what she always did if she needed a restart. She rose and walked over to the bathroom. She kneed down in front of the toilet and stuck her finger down her throat. She emptied her body. It was her way to handle the clean up with undesirable situations. If she'd made some light she would know that she wasn't alone….

Chuck stood in the dark of the doorway and couldn't believe what he saw. After the scene at the Oak Bar, he'd walked a bit and decided that he didn't want to be a coward. He knew that he loved Blair. And she'd been right. The whole Jack-Vanessa-thing was just another excuse for them to avoid any serious actions. When he finally realized that, he walked over to her house. Dorota was talking to the doorman when he arrived. He explained to her that he needed to speak with Blair and wanted to wait. Dorota just nodded and let him go upstairs. He sat down in the corner next to the window. The room was completely dark. When she entered the room earlier he decided to wait to see what happened. He was prepared to see a meltdown. He was prepared to see her crying or yelling or both. But he wasn't prepared to see the damn awful scene in front of him now. Blair was bulimic. He couldn't believe what he'd seen.

_What can I do? If I show up now she will never forgive me. _Chuck thought.

So he did what he always did best – ran away. On his way out he admitted that it made total sense. The bulimia was the perfect last piece to complete the puzzle. Blair was always jealous of Serena, her mother always treated Blair to eat nothing. Even in front of her friends. Chuck was several times witness of such Eleanor-Blair-discussions. He also knew that Blair had been in therapy, but he never asked why. He thought it was caused by Harold's leaving. He needed time to think – badly.

"Where to, Mr. Bass?" the driver asked as he got in the limo.

"The airport."

As Blair finished her vomit-session, she rose and brushed her teeth. She walked back to the bed and lied down. She allowed herself to cry. The thing she'd forbid herself from doing the entire night. But now she needed it. She needed to let go of everything, but it was so pretty damn hard….

Two hours later, Blair just lied on her bed and stared at the ceiling. There were no tears left that she could cry. Suddenly, her phone rang and out of habit she took it immediately. It was Gossip Girl.

_**Spott**__**ed: Chuck Bass at the airport, alone and on his way to his private jet. Wondering where he's going? I bet Blair Waldorf wants to know. **_

_**Xoxo**__**,**_

_**Gossip Girl**_

"You think that? Well you're wrong you, heinous little bitch!" Blair whispered before closing her phone. She didn't want to know. She just wanted to sleep. And, if possible, never wake up again….

Chuck sat on the plane. He couldn't think of something else than the scene he witnessed, several hours ago. Every time he tried to put his mind on different things, Blair caught up with him_. _

_But he couldn't help her. Who could? Serena. And Serena should, she's the reason __it was happening in the first place. _

Yeah, blaming Serena made it better for some time. He leaned back and fell asleep.

This night, both of them dreamed of the same night.

_Blair's 17__th__ Birthday Party_

Chuck had confessed to her that he liked her. She acted like….Blair. They made a bet, Blair lost. Blair was upset because a blast about Nate and an unknown blond bitch and Chuck comfort her with expensive jewel. The two started an affair that night, which involved several days of sneaking around. It continued that way, until the debutante ball. And that whole screwing up, was what led them to the current point of no return. The only way was the one right forward in an unsure future. The only question was – with or without each other.

* * *

A/N: It's not the best piece I've ever written but I hope some of you will like it though.

**PLEASE REVIEW!** Thanks.


	2. BLAIR

Blair woke up the next morning.

Wow. She had graduated High School yesterday. She would go to College soon. But the feeling in her stomach didn't want to be played. Her heart knew that she wasn't happy at all.

She missed him. All her dreams that night were haunted by him.

She dreamed she'd walk across a corn field – he'd be the farmer's boy who'd chase her. Then she'd go to Bendel's but the whole store was filled with only two items: purple bow ties and dolphin sweaters. She would dream to be Alice in Wonderland and when the Cheshire Cat would appear it would only say one line 'I'm Chuck Bass'.

It annoyed a very awake Blair to death. She'd confessed her love yet again and what had Chuck done? stomp on her heart because she made one mistake.

What a memorable mistake that was.

_New Years and no one was around. Serena was away with that moron of a step-brother somewhere in Latin America. Nate was with his grandfather. But all she could think was 'I hope he's okay'. _

_Eric came towards her. "Hey Blair."_

"_Hey Eric. How are you?" Blair asked._

"_I'm fine." Eric returned nonchalant. "How are you holding up?"_

_Blair shrugged and her eyes fell. Eric gulped. He didn't mean to upset her._

"_Did you know that his Uncle is here? I didn't even know that Bart had a brother!" Eric tried to change the subject._

"_Bart had a brother?" Blair asked confused and louder as she planned to but the many glasses of Champagne she had this night finally wore off._

"_Yes he had." An older, male voice came from somewhere beside them. _

_A man appeared who looked like the perfect mix of Bart and Chuck. _

_That high forehead with the perfect trimmed hair, just like Chuck. Those stunning blue eyes that sent waves of discomfort right down to your spine – so Bart Bass. Just like the thin lips only that this ones were curved into a sly grin. But then his jaw line. He had that kind of perfect jaw line she only had seen on Chuck before._

"_May I introduce myself? I'm Jack Bass." he smirked._

_Blair took a sharp breath. "Blair."_

"_Ah, so you are Blair Waldorf. I heard about you before!" he exclaimed amused._

"_You did?" Blair frowned._

"_Yes, on Bart's bachelor weekend. As soon as Chuck was drunk he didn't want to stop talking about you. Bart even threaten him to gag him." Jack laughed a bit to himself._

_Blair felt her eyes watering up. _

"_Ah, hush, doll." Jack frowned. His smile was fading. "He didn't say anything creepy. He just told how beautiful you are and such. And he didn't lie because you most certainly are."_

_Blair laughed bitterly. "Not beautiful enough to make him stay."_

"_Who? Chuck? is that why you crying? Would you be happy again if he'd come back?" Jack placed his hands on her shoulders in a comforting manner. _

She didn't know why, not even now but Blair nodded and took a step closer. Maybe she just really needed a hug. And he gave her a comforting hug. More than just one actually. And comfort kiss and he even bedded her comfortably.

Today's Blair woke up from her daydream when she heard herself laugh bitterly. How on earth could she have been naïve enough to think, Jack just wanted to comfort her? Bass men and feelings were like as possible as St. Patrick's day without drunk Irish people or a summer in Siberia. Not possible.

She forced herself to lay on her side, close her eyes and drift off once more. She'd just sleep the pain away. Yes that seemed like a good plan.

xoxo

So this is Blair's POV. Next chapter will be Chuck's.

Please review.


	3. Chuck I and message

**Dear readers. **

**I've a little announcement: I know I wanted to finish this story with this last chapter but I only finished half of it. All the promos and the upcoming storyline with Jack and Blair and now, thanks to the UK trailer (if you haven't seen it, search it on youtube with the tags "Gossip Girl UK trailer 17.18) I lost all my passion to write C&B fluffy love stories. So I will finish this but I can't name a date. I'm sorry for that but right now I can't help it. I hope you'll understand.**

**However, I will started to write a really angsty, dark, mind playing C&B story earlier this year and will work on that from now on for a while. **

**For the Jair (Jack& Blair) fans out there: The Easter bunny might have a gift for you if you add me to the author alert ;-)**

* * *

It was all too much. TOO MUCH! While Chuck sat on his private plane he couldn't stop from thinking about what he'd just witnessed. Blair was a bulimic. How on earth couldn't he know that?

Not that he'd care anyway of course – she slept with his uncle! He didn't want her anymore.

He thought if he would tell that to himself for long enough he'd believe it one day. But it just sounded as ridiculous as five minutes ago. He wanted her. But he couldn't be with her. He didn't feel worthy and she going behind his back with his uncle didn't make it better. But he still believed that he'd wake up one day and all would be better.

And until that day comes, he'd go and have some fun in Europe. His plane was headed to Hamburg, a famous German City. Well known for its spectacular night life and the biggest red-light milieu in Western Europe. That city screamed to be visited by Chuck Bass.

As soon as he landed and checked in the hotel, the famous Hafen Hotel which is high above the Landungsbrücken (old docks in Hamburg) with a breath taking view above the world largest harbor, he changed clothes and decided to go out. Europe was famous for its Scotch, wasn't it? So he went downstairs in the lobby.

"Mr. Bass, what can I do for you?" a very young and nervous boy behind the concierge's desk asked in broken Oxford English.

"Well, you can tell me where I can go to have a little fun tonight?" Chuck responded slowly to make sure the guy understood it.

"There is the famous English Movie House in Altona, sir. It only shows movies with it's original sound. No dubbing voices." The boy grinned and nodded like fool. Obviously too happy to were able to give the very important American guest (as his boss told all the staff) an answer.

"Look, thanks for the tip but why would I go to the movies in Germany? The release date of almost all interesting movies is here later than the USA. And when movies are released over there, I usually already watched them. That's one of the nice side-effects when you own half of the buildings in Hollywood. Now to the real stuff. I heard there are places in this town which are more appropriate for _gentlemen_. So?" Chuck stated.

The boy gulped. "Then…uhm…then I'd suggest the Dollhouse, sir."

"What's that? Sounds not very classy." Chuck huffed.

"But it is! It's a high class table dance establishment with a very luxurious VIP section."

"That sounds more like fun to me." Chuck nodded before the handed the boy a hundred and got out to the car the hotel owner just rented for him. A black limo.

* * *

A few days later Chuck found himself woken by some loud vespas in front of the five star hotel he stayed in. Rome could be damn loud. Hamburg had annoyed him pretty fast. What a cliché it was that there were so many good looking blond, tall women in Germany. All _**he**_ could see were tiny brunettes with curls.

So he decided to go to Italy which made everything worse. If he thought he'd been surrounded by too many tiny brunettes in Germany, here all of them looked like her to him. And the many, many, many designer shops didn't help.

He was faster in his plane again than he thought. He wasn't a very catholic person anyway.

* * *

tbc


	4. Chuck II Flight to Paris

When he left Italy, he told the pilot to go to another city in Europe that offered more fun and history and less girls in summer dresses. For once, no for the second time in his life if he was honest, Chuck Bass wasn't in the mood for sex as distraction.

Chuck woke up when a soft knock sounded on the door.

"What?" Chuck snapped.

"Mr. Bass, we're about to land. I'm sorry, but you have to go back to your seat and put your seat belt on," a blonde stewardess told him.

Chuck checked his watch. They barely had flown two hours. So, that stupid guy of a pilot obviously hadn't taken them to Norway or Island.

"Going to land where?"

"Paris, sir."

"Great," Chuck cursed himself. "Good job, idiot."

The pilot took the heartbroken Chuck to the city of love. Karma was out to get him.

The dream he had didn't help either. Chuck sat back in his seat and reflected on it.

_As soon as the plane was on his way and he could take off the seat belt, Chuck walked over __to the bedroom in the jet and lied down. He needed sleep. Sleep was good. Sleep let him forget everything for a while. Except those dreams that were haunted by a giggling small brunette girl, a nine year old Blair. It was a dream about one of her birthdays they celebrated at her mother's country house in New England. _

_Blair asked everyone to jump in the deep part of the pool, but Chuck didn't want to. When it was only he and her standing next to the pool, she started to tease him. "Coward! Coward!" _

_When the other kids joined in, Chuck's eyes watered up and he ran away. He refused to let anyone see him cry. His father had told him that no real man did that. So he went back inside the house and looked for his clothes, but was unsuccessful._

"_Damn maid,__" little Chuck cursed._

"_Don't blame Dorota for you being such a coward," a girlish voice teased behind him._

"_Well, if she'd left my stuff where it was, all of this could be a hell of a lot easier." Chuck refrained from even allowing the smallest of sobs to pass his thinned lips. _

"_Why? Want to run home to daddy?" Blair asked. Somehow her voice didn't sound as bitchy as it should. _

"_Yeah, because he cares such a big deal about me. Look, Blair. I'll take it, I'm the coward. Now go back to your minion-friends," he snapped._

"_But…but I don't want you to leave." Her voice sounded confused and angry. _

"_Well, that's too bad,__" Chuck told her as he turned around to face her._

"_I will tell Dorota not to give you your clothes. So you can't leave," Blair smirked. Very satisfied with her idea, which seemed totally plausible to her._

"_Okay,__" Chuck smirked in return. He grabbed the towel she'd put around her, pulled it around himself, and walked towards the front door. He knew that his driver was supposed to wait there for him and she knew it as well. _

"_Wait!" Blair cried when he reached the front door. She was about to cry and so was he. He, well because he was humiliated and she? God knows why, he didn't. Girls. Chuck huffed. _

"_What for? More teasing. I've better things to do with my time. I'm Chuck Bass after all," Chuck said haughtily to her._

"_Why didn't you want to jump in the pool? Nate did it too?" Blair wondered._

"_Yeah, Nate's dad taught him to swim. My father never had time to do that. We're billionaires in case you've forgotten that. Billionaires don't have time for such things."_

"_But your father paid a swim teacher," Blair stated. She knew that since Bart announced it at a parent dinner._

"_Yeah, and what a great teacher that was. He almost let me drown. Now go back outside and tell everyone that Chuck Bass is a coward, afraid of deep water because he can't swim properly. I bet dear Nate will swim with you though," Chuck snapped._

"_I'm sorry. I didn't know that,__" Blair said merely._

"_Yeah, whatever. I have to go now. Bye," Chuck returned as he reached for the front door's handle._

"_But I want you here. Please don't leave. It'd run the party." Some tears escaped Blair's eyes. Chuck bit his bottom lip. Damn it, now he knew why his father went to Tiffany's that often – crying women were nerving. _

"_You have to be nicer if I would stay," Chuck demanded._

"_I will,"__ Blair smiled._

"_Everything okay __here?" Harold asked. He'd overheard the discussion and normally would kick Bart Bass's son out for making his baby girl cry on her birthday, but obviously Blair seemed to care for him. So he bit his tongue._

"_Yes, sir,__" Chuck returned with a smile. God, he hated caring parents._

"_Okay then. Let's go back to the party, okay? I've made some pie!" Harold told them before going ahead._

_Blair smiled at Chuck. "Thanks, Bass."  
"Welcome, Waldorf," Chuck shrugged with a smirk on his lips._

"_I have an idea!__" Blair announced._

"_And what would that be?" Chuck wondered._

"_Give me your hand." Blair held hers out to him. _

"_Why?" Chuck frowned. _

"_Trust me,__" Blair nodded._

"_You better not make me regret this," Chuck sighed as he took her hand. She started to run and pulled him along. Chuck followed without asking more questions._

_Blair pulled him in direction of the pool and before Chuck Bass knew it, Blair had pulled him in the water. When they were under water Blair helped Chuck up a little without letting the other kids see it. Harold announced tea time and the coward story was forgotten. _

_Chuck and Blair swam towards the pool's edge. Blair didn't try to pull herself out and Chuck frowned._

"_What's going on, Blair?" Chuck asked confused._

"_I know that swim teacher isn't a good one," Blair whispered._

"_How?" _

"_You can't tell anyone." Blair pouted._

"_Promise."_

"_I saw him kiss someone, another man."_

"_Who?" Chuck asked curious._

_Blair looked up with a slight fear in her eyes._

"_Come on, Waldorf. I won't tell anyone."_

"_My daddy."_

"_Oh."_

_Blair's eyes fell to the ground. And Chuck thought of a way to make her smile again._

"_Maybe their Russians!"_

"_What?" Blair asked confused._

"_Russian men kiss each other all the time. My father told me they do it as greeting every time!"_

_Blair lifted an eyebrow. "But my dad is not Russian and that teacher's name was Steve. Doesn't sound very Russian either."_

_Chuck took her hands and pulled her out of the water._

"_Maybe they're fans of it though. I mean, you father adores the Russian tea room."_

_Blair bit her bottom lip. This was a bad white lie, but it would do it._

"_You're right. That's the quiz's solution."_

That very day, Chuck and Blair became each other's secret keepers.

"I miss you, Waldorf," Chuck mumbled to himself.


	5. Now or never

Paris had been exactly what he'd expected it to be. Full of couples in love. Chuck sat in his hotel room and downed one bottle of scotch after the next one. Usually he'd take his phone, make a call or two and wait for the girls to show up. But he wasn't in the mood for that. He wasn't in the mood to do anything.

At some point a waiter brought new bottles and gave him a confused look. When Chuck returned it, the waiter shook his head some.

"What?" Chuck asked.

"She must be worth it." the waiter chuckled.

Chuck frowned, damn rude French people!

"What makes you think that a she is involved?"

"All those nicely wrapped up giftboxes. Well, if it's not a she, a he perhaps?" the waiter asked him almost hopefully.

"Look, Marc – Pierre – Jean, whatever you're called, here are two hundred. Do me a favor and go to Hermes. I'm in the mood for macaroons. Let them wrap them up as nicely as those packages are."

The waiter gave Chuck a sour grin but left without another word.

Chuck got up, took the bottles the waiter just brought and threw them in the trash can. He'd wasted one week to think of a way not to think about Blair anymore but that stirring pain in his chest whenever her picture came into his mind – which was all the time really – made him want to do just one thing. To be with her. Hug her, kiss her, say those words to her she wanted to hear so badly.

He wouldn't be a coward anymore.

* * *

"B! Get up! I need your help!" Serena yelled in the phone. It was around noon but so far, Blair's sleep the time away plan worked rather good.

"Whatisit?" Blair mumbled in her phone.

"I need to get ready for my flight. But I can't decide what to take with me! I need you here." Serena whined.

"Have Lily do it." Blair returned, half falling back into her sleep.

"Come on, B. I want to see you again before I leave the whole summer for Europe!" Serena announced sternly.

"Fine." Blair sighed and got up. One day back to the real world couldn't be so bad, right?

* * *

Serena was on her way to JFK and Blair walked down the streets back to her house. God, she'd missed this city the last six days. The noise, the views, the people. That was until she spotted something rather familiar.

"Why aren't you in Europe?" Blair snapped at Chuck.

"I was in Paris, only to get your favorite macaroons from Pierre Hermes." Chuck said before he offered her a dark blue box with a beautiful black ribbon.

"And Italy?" Blair smiled as she looked at the other boxes.

"The most epic scarf from Custo Barcelona." Chuck returned.

"And Germany?" Blair quirked an eyebrow with an even brighter smile.

"Your favorite stockings from Flacks. You know how I adore them." Chuck told her with a grin

"What are you doing here then?" Blair's mood changed to reserved again.

"Apologizing for being such a fool and telling you how much I missed you." Chuck admitted honestly.

"I'd love to believe you but I can't. You hurt me too many times." Blair told him sadly.

"I won't hurt you again, Blair. I promise." Chuck returned, cupping her cheek and stroking it softly.

"How can I be sure?" Blair asked him in a whispering voice.

"I love you." Chuck told her and smiled. Blair leaned forward and kissed him on his lips.

"Say it again." She demanded a second later.

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you." Chuck repeated over and over again, always with a kiss afterwards.

"I love you too, Chuck." Blair said after a second. "But what are we going to do now?" Blair smiled seductively.

"Let's go." Chuck smirked before he opened the door of the limo.

THE END.

A/N: I'm so so sorry that I forgot to put this last chapter up. I hope you guys liked my version though.


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